The modern-day shame spiral
We're constantly being given reasons to question our bodies. A headline tells us we're eating the wrong foods. An influencer insists we're aging incorrectly. Another expert offers a new supplement, elimination diet, or routine to correct something we didn't know was wrong with us yesterday.
This is how the modern-day shame spiral works: an outside message gives us a reason to worry, that worry changes how we experience ourselves, and we start searching for something to fix. Before long, even the ordinary pleasures of eating, resting, aging, and living in our bodies can become opportunities for self-scrutiny.
The problem isn't that we should ignore our health. It's that being perpetually on guard for what's wrong can make it harder to notice what feels good, trust our own experience, and remain open to pleasure.
What does this have to do with desire?
Desire depends on more than libido. Our ability to feel receptive to pleasure is influenced by physical comfort, stress, sleep, hormones, and our experience of connection with other people. When we're busy monitoring ourselves against external expectations, it can be difficult to settle into our bodies and be present with another person.
Oxytocin offers one way to understand this connection. Often called the bonding hormone, it participates in social attachment, sexual response, and the body's stress-regulation systems. It isn't a simple switch for desire, but it illustrates how closely our physiology is connected to experiences of closeness, touch, and connection. When we're preoccupied with how we look, whether we're desirable enough, or what might be wrong with us, we may have a harder time relaxing into those experiences.
This matters for women navigating hormonal changes, but it isn't limited to any particular age or stage of life. Digestive discomfort, migraines, pelvic pain, poor sleep, and other persistent symptoms can make it harder to feel comfortable in our bodies and available for intimacy. We don't have to treat desire as an isolated problem when the rest of our physical experience deserves attention, too.
Supporting your health without shrinking your life
Chinese medicine offers practical ways to work with the symptoms that may be getting in the way of feeling comfortable in your body. With acupuncture, I use the placement and combination of points to address patterns of tension, pain, and dysregulation that may show up as headaches and migraines, muscular or pelvic pain, digestive discomfort, or difficulty settling into restful sleep. Chinese herbal medicine allows me to work with these patterns between appointments, using individualized formulas that may combine herbs to move what has become stagnant, nourish what is depleted, or resolve what has accumulated and become disruptive. For someone experiencing bloating alongside menstrual discomfort, for example, we consider how those symptoms may relate to one another rather than treating them as entirely separate problems. Throughout treatment, we pay attention to how you're responding and adjust the approach as your needs change.
The point isn't to give you another list of things to avoid or another impossible routine that doesn't fit in your life. It's to help you eat dinner with friends without worrying about digestive discomfort, make plans without wondering whether a migraine will derail them, sleep more soundly, or feel more at ease when someone touches you. We aren't trying to manufacture desire or promise a particular response from your body. We're addressing the physical concerns that can compete for your attention and energy, while supporting your body's capacity to regulate and restore itself without unnecessarily depleting its resources. You can bring your questions, your discomfort, and even the things you're worried you should be doing differently. We'll work together to understand what your body needs, so that caring for your health becomes a way to participate more fully in your life, connect with others, and make room for pleasure rather than another reason to put it on hold.
— Dr. Olivia Rudio